How to Wrap it!
Happy Chanukah to you! In past Chanukah ezines, I’ve focused on brightening up your holiday press releases with Chanukah themes. For example, I’ve advocated using the number eight – as in eight miracles happened here, or eight Chanukah chesed activities. This year though, I am making good on last month’s promise to focus on writing effective press releases.
A few weeks ago, a client asked me to review a news release about a Chanukah toy-packing project. Students pack toys, for distribution, to young hospital patients and their siblings in Israel. No doubt, it is a wonderful cause that teaches children to help others and be grateful for their own good fortunes.
Funded by a generous local family that devotes energy, time, and funds, the program ensures that each child’s “wish list” is fulfilled. So far, so good. However, by the time I finished reading the press release I had one burning question: Is this a release promoting the school or the charity?
Original Article: Students Pack for Chanukah
Every Chanukah, the Dreidel Drive purchases and delivers thousands of toys to gravely ill children and their siblings in Israel. The wish lists of toys are collected from the children by organizations in Israel and are then passed on to the Gold family in Denver. The Golds’ make a powerful effort to fulfill each child’s wish list. MP4’s, bicycles, digital cameras, dolls, train sets, Lego sets, computer accessories, stuffed animals, board games, warm coats, funky hats and mittens, are a few of the purchased Chanukah gifts.
In the days before Chanukah, all of the toys must be boxed, packed onto pallets, and loaded into shipping containers. Student volunteers of Chaim Crown Hebrew Day School diligently perform this task. Once the containers reach Israel the toys are sorted for specific hospitals, orphanages, and even private homes. When Chanukah arrives, bouncing, singing, dancing, and juggling clowns deliver the toys. A few of these clowns are our own students who participate in All About Clowns, a program that trains volunteer clowns.
All who witness these gifts delivered, describe a most beautiful sight; Children whose lives have become racked with illness and painful treatments are smiling radiantly, giggling, and bubbling with laughter. Transformed, they experience a respite of joy and light that lasts long after the special Chanukah visit.
On November 27th, there will be a charity event at a private home, to raise funds for the Dreidel Drive. For more information, contact (123) 444-7777 or email Moshe@DreidelDrive.com.
I gently explained to the client (who didn’t want a rewrite but just some feedback) that the focus was not in their best interests. Quite simply the release promoted Dreidel Drive but not the school. In fact, the school’s name did not even appear until the middle of the second paragraph. The release also contained way too many details. With my suggestions in mind, the client returned to me with the following revised opening paragraphs…
Revised Article: Chaim Crown Student Packs Toys and Lots of Smiles
Chaim Crown Hebrew Day School students spent Sunday morning participating in the annual Dreidel Drive and packing thousands of toys to be shipped to Israel. The toys will be distributed to the gravely ill children and their siblings in Tikva, an orphanage in Jerusalem, Shaare Tzedek, a children’s hospital in Netanya, and Beit David, a community center in Sderot.
Josh, a junior attending Chaim Crown Hebrew Day School said, “These calluses are from tying up twenty boxes of Legos, four train sets, six American Girl dolls, and three Wii games. They might burn tomorrow, but right now I’m imagining the children’s smiles when they open these gifts.”
Mr. Gold, founder of Dreidel Drive remarked, “It takes a lot of work to put this toy drive together. I am very proud of the long-standing support the Chaim Crown Hebrew Day School has provided. In April, the junior class held a carnival which raised thousands of dollars and today they’ve rolled up their sleeves to label and pack literally thousands of toys.”
Rabbi Bender, head of Chaim Crown Hebrew Day School, explained, “Some people may question how we can take students out of shiur to pack toys. I don’t see any conflict at all. Community service is integral to being a ben or bat Torah.”
(*Names, location, and contact information have been changed to retain anonymity.)
Click here to read Shine in the Press – part II
My team and I are here to help you communicate effectively, increase visibility and loyalty, recruit and retain students, and raise important funds. Should you have any questions about writing more effective press releases or about any of my day school services, please send me an email or call 516.569.8070.
Kol tuv,
Candace Plotsker-Herman